


When your soul mate eats shitty food...so you have to go save him from himself

by LuXMavis_173



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: M/M, rhack - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-11-07 12:28:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11058987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuXMavis_173/pseuds/LuXMavis_173
Summary: Prologue:“If I don’t get steak, neither do them,” Rhys yelled back, spitting a gulp of mouth wash out and taking another. Rhys shot Vaughn a warning glance. Vaughn quietly sat down and poked at his meal.





	1. Chapter 1

“Bro, Bro, BRO,” Vaughn called to Rhys, who had just jumped up from their small kitchen table, a dinner of spaghetti and meat balls, to run to the kitchen, pullout mouth wash and start swishing around the blue liquid.   
“If I don’t get steak, neither do them,” Rhys yelled back, spitting a gulp of mouth wash out and taking another. Rhys shot Vaughn a warning glance. Vaughn quietly sat down and poked at his meal.   
Mean while…  
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME,” Handsome Jack yelled.   
Nisha looks over at Jack, pausing in her mid-bite of her surf and turf. She swallowed, “Don’t tell me,” she paused, picking up her glass, the amber liquid touching her lips and she tries to hide a smirk, “They’re eating something cheap again? Or is it ice cream?”  
“Mouth wash, they are fucking DRINKING mouth wash,” Jack growled out, in the tone that anyone with a sane mind would know death was near. “Who the hell DRINKS mouth wash.”   
Nisha leaned back in her chair, trying to stifle her laughs behind her hand, shoulders shaking. Jack shoots her a warning glance. Nisha of course ignores it.   
Back at Rhys apartment….  
Rhys gave a satisfied back hand wipe of his mouth and settled back down, bare chested, his shirt got wet from the mouth wash fiasco. He picked up his fork and started poking at his food.   
“Bro, how long is this going to go on,” Vaughn said.   
“I don’t know,” Rhys mumbled. Chewing on a meat ball.   
“When did this start again,” Vaughn said. “Like a couple of months ago?”  
Rhys shrugged. “The day that my life ended, yeah,” he snorted and reached for some garlic bread. Rhys’ face went white.   
“Well at least that means that they are close,” Vaughn looked up, concerned flashed across his face. “Bro, what is going on.”  
Back with Jack...  
“Jack seriously,” Nisha asked. Tears swam before her eyes, she grasped her wine glass, trying not to slosh any of the liquid, holding back bursts of laughter.  
Jack had the whole bottle of ghost pepper hot sauce, upside down, pouring the burning liquid into his mouth. “Yes. Really.” He huffed out, his nose was running and sweat beaded on his forehead, leaving a thin layer of perspiration underneath the mask. “Give me another.” Jack said, hoarsely. He grabbed his third bottle.   
Back at our nerd’s apartment …  
“ICE CREAM,” Rhys screamed, shooting to his feet. “I NEED ICE CREAM!”   
“What,” Vaughn said, looking around. “Ok, ok, ok freezer, ok.” Vaughn ran to the freezer and yanked it open. “What do you want? Strawberry? Moostracks? Chocolate chip?”  
“VAUGHN,” Rhys screeched.  
“OK! OK,” Vaughn said. He grabbed an ice cream container, three toppled out. Vaughn tossed Rhys the container and reached down to put the others away. He grabbed a spoon and turned around to see Rhys licking the ice cream. “We have spoons, bro.”  
Rhys contemplated flipping his best friend off, but reached for the spoon instead.   
Back with Jack…  
“You really couldn’t stop, could you,” Nisha said under the weight of Jack’s body which was slumped over her. “You’re probably gonna die now.”   
Jack sent her a half-hearted glare. A gurgle in his stomach drew his attention. Jack rested a hand on his bloated belly.   
“They are eating ice cream now,” Jack said. “And for once I’m not complaining.”   
“I wonder why,” Nisha said, she rolled her eyes as she led the shaking Jack back to his apartment. She tossed him onto his couch and stepped back. She placed her hands on her hips, “I’ll go get you some water.” And stalked off.  
Back to our nerds…  
“Be happy you didn’t actually, DIGEST, the…hot sauce,” Vaughn said, sitting next to Rhys on the couch, flipping through channels absentmindedly. “Think about what they are going to have to go through in a little bit.”  
Rhys was on his third container. He just looked over at Vaughn realization spread a wicked grin across his face. “You are so right,” Rhys said.   
Vaughn shook his head. “So, honestly, who do you actually thin it is,” Vaughn said. “I mean, do you have a clue? They have to be close, because this doesn’t start happening until they are close, you know, so it’s Hyperion.”   
Rhys grabbed his ECHO and started flipping through Instagram. “I mean, they eat really good food, so they have to have a hire job than we do,” Rhys stopped, spoon sticking out of his mouth, dead pan face, looking at Vaughn. “I bet they are some rich asshole.”   
“Only rich asshole we know is Handsome Jack,” Vaughn said, returning Rhys’ glare.  
They both stared at each other. “Nah,” they said a laughing.   
Rhys came upon the famous ex-vault hunter, Nisha’s Instagram post of that night. It showed a picture of Nisha with her hand over her mouth with a man in the background drinking, literally DRINKING, hot sauce. The caption read “When your soul mate ruins your steak.”   
Rhys paused, his eyebrows furrowed. He frowned. Shook his head and continued on scrolling.


	2. You brought this on yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1:
> 
> Realization flooded Jack’s face, his face was white, causing the mask to stand out more. “I have to find them,” Jack mumbled. “I have to find them before they suck a dick.”

Jack sleepily climbed to his feet, stretched, bones popping up his spine, wiggled his fingers and toes. Sleeping on the couch is not as comfortable has he remembered as a teenager. He only did it then after coming home drunk or trying to avoid waking Grandma. Let’s be real here, Jack barely slept growing up.  
Jack felt a gurgle rise up from his gut, burst, heat rose up, burning his throat. He froze, eyes wide, Jack grasped his stomach and ran to the bathroom.  
Nisha entered the apartment and went straight for the coffee machine. “I came to check up on you, but I can hear what you’re doing.” She made some coffee, the machine drowning out the groans from the bathroom. “Maybe this will teach you not to DRINK hot sauce.  
A time later Jack came back, frowning at Nisha. “Shut up,” he grumbled. Jack thankfully grabbed a cup from the brown cupboard and took his coffee black. Steam rolled over the ceramic mug, heating up Jack’s face. Jack blew the steam and took a sip. “We do not talk about this ever again.”  
Nisha shook her head and sipped her coffee, “whatever you say, boss,” she smirked. Nisha’s eyes trailed over the large apartment, a wall of glass windows faced Elpis, throwing a purple glow into the neutral colored apartment. Clothes and discarded take out boxes were set here and there, on the couch, recliners, coffee table. A collection of unicorn toys, tutus and toy cars sat in a corner, mostly hidden by the light blue floor length curtains. “You’re going to have to clean this up before she gets here.”  
“That’s why I have you,” Jack smirked at Nisha over his glass, one hand on the counter, leading back. Looking all elegant in his best way to charm his best friend.  
“Oh, hell na,” Nisha said, pushing herself away from the blue granite counter top. “I’m Aunt Nisha, not your maid.”  
Jack rolled his eyes and grumbled, “Fine whatever.” A look of disgust fell over his face. He immediately set down the coffee cup with more force than needed.  
Nisha crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. She motioned an arm at him.  
“SON OF A TAINT,” Jack growled. “I can’t even enjoy coffee without them insulting my taste buds with tooth paste.”  
BACK WITH OUR NERD…  
“Bro, didn’t you just brush your teeth,” Vaughn said his voice dripping with annoyance and he stood behind Rhys, bare chested, with a towel over his shoulder, tapping his foot. “Cus, I am pretty sure it’s my turn to use the bathroom.”  
“Yes, for a matter of fact Vaughn, yes, I did brush my teeth, but this ASSHOLE is now drinking coffee and the taste is in my mouth,” Rhys said, muffled. He spits out the tooth paste with satisfaction. “I don’t like the taste of nasty black coffee. WHO DRINKS BLACK COFFEE??”  
“Dude, I don’t know,” Vaughn said, his voice raised a hire octave. “But I do now that I am going to be late if you do not get out of the bathroom.”  
Rhys cleaned up, straightened up, with both hands grasping his suite, elbows out, Rhys smirked at Vaughn “All yours,” and stepped aside.  
Thirty minutes later, both roommates were ready. “Vaughn this will be a great day, you know it, a great one,” Rhys said, smiling. “That promotion is coming, I know it.”  
“That’s the spirit, keep telling yourself that buddy,” Vaughn said, clasping Rhys on the back. “Let’s go to work before ASSquez notices we are late.”  
Rhys opened the door.  
BACK WITH OUR HERO …  
“And that is where our production is,” the worker stood nervous, staring at Jack’s face, which was getting angrier and angrier. His face flushed under the mask.  
The unlucky employee who was dressed in his best, a three-month saving spent on this suite, could see it now, flashing before his eyes, airlocked into the space of Elpis. With his heart beat in his ears, eyes dilated, the man swore he was going to faint.  
“What is wrong, cupcake,” Jack asked. “Are you going to faint on me now?”  
“No, no sir,” the man stuttered out. “Uh, that’s where our numbers are at now, is there anything else I can explain?”  
“No, leave,” Jack waved the man away and rotated in his chair. He licked his lips, buzzing his personal PA, Becky, Jack asked. “Can you bring me some water?”  
Becky rushed in with a bottle of the finest crystal water on Helios. Nisha popped up on his ECHO.  
“So still feeling some burning pain,” she teased.  
“No,” Jack shot back. “I taste dirt?”  
BACK WITH OUR NERD…  
“Bro, that was a pretty epic trip,” Vaughn said, tears in his eyes. “Like you were all “this day is gonna be great” and then you fall flat on your face.” Vaughn doubled over laughing, clutching his stomach.  
Rhys glared at him from across the room at his desk. He saw Vaughn tell Yvette about his morning. Yvette stood with her arms crossed, shaking her head. She smirked over at Rhys when she saw him glaring at them.  
“Rhys, how are those reports going,” Henderson said, poking his around the corner. “Is everything going well?”  
“Yes sir, perfect,” Rhys said smiling at his boss.  
“Okay, I want to see you this afternoon, at 2. Alright,” Henderson asked.  
“Sir, boss,” Rhys responded.  
Henderson exited the area, Vaughn and Yvette rushed over. “What’s going on,” Yvette asked.  
“Henderson wants me to see him in his office at 2 today,” Rhys said. A stupid grin plastered over his face.  
“Bro, this is it,” Vaughn said, excitedly, practically bouncing on his feet. “All that back stabbing paid off.”  
“I know guys, I know, here we are, heading to the top,” Excitement radiated from Rhys.  
BACK WITH OUR HERO…  
Jack flipped through the report, not necessarily reading it, that an oh-so-familiar face handed him. The guy did not have an appointment but he did have some balls to show up unannounced and just walk into Jack’s office. If only he could place the face.  
“Who are you again,” Jack asked.  
“Hugo Vasquez, sir,” Vasquez said, grinning. He reached out a hand to Jack.  
Jack looked at it and set back in his chair, flipped through the paperwork again. Vasquez awkwardly let his hand drop. Jack put his feet on his desk and tossed the folder back onto the desk. “Do what you want, I don’t care,” he then waved out the too familiar man.  
As Vasquez closed the door he heard Jack cuss to himself, “WHO THE FUCK EATS CAFATERIA FOOD?”  
BACK WITH OUR NERD…  
Rhys settled down with Vaughn and Yvette. Rhys had ordered a tuna sandwich for one of the vendors and got some chips from a vending machine. Too nervous to eat he barely ate half of a half of his sandwich.  
“I cannot believe it’s really here,” Rhys said, breathing heavily and excited, his heart pounded in his chest. “all that work, paid off!”  
“Just don’t forget about us little guys,” Vaughn said, smiling nervously.  
“No, if I go, we all go, like a family,” Rhys said. He took a bite of tuna. But instead of tasting doggy creamy fish, he tasted mac and cheese. Rhys scrunched his nose. “They are eating mac’n’cheese. This is the first time I ever noticed them eating cheap food.”  
Yvette raised her eyebrows, “Hmm, maybe they are human after all,” she said. Her watch buzzed. “Rhys you better get going. It’s 15 minutes till two.”  
BACK WITH OUR HERO…  
“Haha, Daddy,” Angel laughed. “Why are you making that face.”  
Jack shot a looks over at Nisha, “I taste blood, why do I taste blood?”  
Nisha shrugged. “I don’t know,” she said in an annoyed voice.  
BACK WITH OUR NERD …  
Rhys threw open the door to his apartment, started stripping before he even made it to his room. Rhys came back out in a large t-shirt and sweat pants. Blood ran down his nose where Vasquez had punched him.  
Rhys headed to the sink and splashed water onto his face, causing the warm water to run red. He grabbed a spoon, a carton of ice cream, and made a bee-line to the couch.  
That’s where Vaughn found him, three hours later, plowing through his fifth container of ice cream.  
BACK WITH OUR HERO…  
“THEY HAVE BEEN EATING ICE CREAM FOR THE PAST THREE HOURS,” Jack yelled on the top of his lungs, throwing his hands in the air.  
Nisha made a hand motion to let Jack know he needs to settle down. Angel was down for a nap in the next room, finally asleep. “Jack, you’re going to wake your daughter.”  
“They better not be fat,” Jack said, completely ignoring Nisha. “I am not dating a fat person.”  
“Maybe they just really like ice cream, or they had a bad day,” Nisha said, shaking her head at Jack.  
“Well I know it has to be a girl…or a really gay guy, no one emotionally eats this much,” Jack said.  
“You don’t know that,” Nisha said.  
Realization flooded Jack’s face, his face was white, causing the mask to stand out more. “I have to find them,” Jack mumbled. “I have to find them before they suck a dick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote chapter one! :D
> 
> I really want to stick to one view point a chapter, but that didn't happen. So now I am just rolling with it!
> 
> Thanks for the comments and feed back. 
> 
> Also Jack couldn't enjoy his Covfefe.


	3. ppppft right, Handsome Jack, my soulmate, RIIIIGHT *rolls eyes*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I just,” Vaughn came over and reached for the container, noticing countless empty others around him. Rhys launched back and made a growling sound. “Come’on Rhys, if you eat all your ice cream we don’t have enough money right now to buy anymore.”

“Okay, tell me EXACTLY what happened,” Vaughn said. He tossed down his leather brown bag and kicked off his shoes in the door way. “Exactly, bro, you kind of just ran off.”  
Rhys looked over at Vaughn, ice cream spoon in mid scoop. Rhys’ eyes were red, his nose was swollen, tissues were spread around Rhys, looking like a half hazard carpet of snow.   
“Can I just,” Vaughn came over and reached for the container, noticing countless empty others around him. Rhys launched back and made a growling sound. “Come’on Rhys, if you eat all your ice cream we don’t have enough money right now to buy anymore.”  
Rhys reluctantly handed over his container.   
Vaughn put the rescued ice cream in the fridge and cleared a space for him on the couch.   
Rhys pulled up his knees to his chest and said barley audibly, “I wish my soulmate was here, maybe they would know what to do.”   
Vaughn tried to hide that Rhys’ words kind of stung him. He sighed and said, “Alright, I was waiting to surprise you, but I guess I will go ahead and say it now,” Vaughn said. He looked at his watch. “We have three hours before our table is ready,” Rhys lifted his head. “I booked us a table at Masa.”  
“Dude, that place is impossible to get in,” Rhys whispered, eyes wide. “That’s like two thousand a plate, A PLATE.”   
Vaughn sighed. “Yeah, dude, I know. I have been hiding money from you for like six months now,” Vaughn placed a hand on Rhys’ shoulder. “Bro, you have an ice cream problem.” Rhys looked dead pan back at Vaughn. “Come’on get going. If you want a free meal you better move, don’t tell Yvette.”

BACK WITH OUR HERO…

“They finally quit eating ice cream,” Jack said, annoyed. He climbed onto the shuttle to Pandora, at down on one of the benches built into the spherical ship and crossed his arms. “Did it have to be today of all days, that, that Atlas’ code needs my attention?’  
The defenses were down in Atlas, Nisha had honed it to a jamming signal in one of the southern regions of Pandora. Once the bandits got word that Atlas was unprotected it would be a few short hours before one of the camps cried war.   
Jack just officially purchased Atlas, he was not going to let some bandits take it back. Which left Jack in a very venomous mood.   
“I could really kill some living creature right now,” Jack growled out.   
“Well, be happy, we are about to fight some bandits,” Nisha said, coming to sit next to Jack. “Angel will be alright; your PA is with her.”   
Wilhelm sat opposite of the two. He was silent. Crabby that he got pulled away from his TV. But he does what the Boss wants and what the Boss wants he gets.   
Jack snorted. He didn’t look at either of them. 

BACK WITH OUR NERD … 

Rhys was dressed in his best, to the nines. He was so giddy with excitement that for a few hours he was happy to forget that he was now demoted to janitor.   
“I can’t believe I have to pay for my meal,” Yvette said. Her face was a look of disgust.   
“You didn’t have to come,” Vaughn said. “You better have your wallet.”  
Yvette rolled her eyes, “I do, don’t worry.”  
They were seated by the window, a beautiful view of Pandora. Rhys watched a pod fly down to Pandora. Which was strange to him, since pod hours end at five. Rhys shrugged it off and looked at the menu.  
“The good thing is, you can order all you want and you’re still paying the set price,” Vaughn said. “Which is either good or bad, not sure.”   
Vaughn decided on A5 Kobe served NY Strip-style in a 12-ounce portion.  
Yvette got excited when she read, caviar. She ordered lobster frittata topped with 10 ounces of caviar. Helios’ most expensive omelette.  
Rhys ordered the white truffle and gold pizza. Along with the truffles, the pizza is topped with organic buffalo mozzarella, and a 24k gold leaf.

BACK TO OUR HERO…

They were surrounded, bullets rung out of the air like an angry bee hive. Jack had himself shoved down behind a fallen pillar, trying to fight off the bandits invading Atlas.   
“Any day now, kitten,” Jack yelled at the shook-up programmer. He had an echo opened in front of him, typing away, try to break down the firewall. This is the third time he fell into a worm hole. “Fuck! Give me that,” Jack jerked the pad out of the man’s hands and tossed him a gun. “Make yourself useful.”   
The floodlights of Atlas made it hard for Jack to see the screen. This would be the one time he wished he had an ECHO eye. Jack leaned a little to the left, a bullet shot by. He jerked himself back behind the pillar and caught the light just right.  
Turrets, robots and the defense walls came up. Frying bandits on site. Jack sighed relief as Wilhelm and Nisha joined him. “Good job boss,” Wilhelm said. “I think Timmy is eating chicken right now and I am extremely jealous, can we head back.”   
“Sure,” Jack said. He stood up and opened the door to Atlas. “I have to check on a few.” He was caught off guard when a bandit shot out, punched Jack in the face, grabbed his head and shoved him to the dirt.  
Nisha shot the bandit.   
“Fuck I think they broke my nose,” Jack said, grasping his face, blood trailed down to his mouth. His teeth crunched on sand. “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!”   
Nisha grabbed Jack’s arm and lead him back to the shuttle. 

BACK TO OUR NERD…

“OH, COME ON,” Rhys hissed to his friend.   
“Oh jeeze, don’t tell me,” Vaughn said, swallowing, “They aren’t doing it again. Right?”  
Rhys tossed his meal down onto his plate. “All I taste is dirt and blood,” Rhys’ eyes widened. “I what if they are dead.” Tears welled up in the corners of Rhys eyes.   
“Rhys, I doubt they are dead,” Yvette said. She took slow bites of her omlette, enjoying every minute of this over expensive meal. “Rhys, seriously, stop crying.”   
“Bro, it’s alright,” Vaughn said, trying to soothe his best friend.   
“I…get…demoted…and…lose…my…soulmate….all…….in….one….day,” Rhys said, sobbing into his napkin.   
“Oh shit,” Yvette said. “I thought I heard that in the grapevine but,” she looked at Rhys. “Shit, Rhys.”   
Vaughn flagged down a waiter. “Check and some boxes please,” he said. 

BACK TO OUR HERO…

Nisha lead Jack to the bathroom and set him on the toilet. Jack held his face and awkwardly tried to jerk off his shirt. Nisha tossed a wet wash cloth onto Jack’s lap.   
“Is daddy going to be okay,” Angel asked, worriedly, she quietly padded in, little fingers gripping the bathroom door frame, pushing her cheek against it, eyes wide.   
“Yep,” Nisha said. “He will. Come on, let’s leave him alone to clean up.” Nisha reached down and picked up the four year-old around the armpits and carried her out of the room.   
A moment later Jack came out, went straight to the kitchen and grabbed three popsicles. He handed two to Nisha and she handed one to Angel, who were sitting on one of the couches.  
Nisha gave Jack a pondering look.  
“All I taste is salt and I’m assuming its tears,” Jack said, rolling his eyes and sighing loudly. “I’m pretty sure this cupcake thinks I’m dead or something. If I had to guess.” 

BACK TO OUR NERD …

Rhys snapped his head up and loosened himself from his curled-up position on the couch, Yvette and Vaughn both stared at him.  
“I taste lemon,” Rhys said, excitedly, pointing at his mouth. “They aren’t dead!”  
Vaughn’s shoulders dropped in relief and Yvette rolled her eyes. “So going back to what we were talking about, do you really think you could track who was talking to Vasquez about the vault key? I mean the meeting will be tomorrow, right,” Vaughn asked.  
Rhys was half listing. He pulled up Instagram and started flipping through and paused on a photo. He started laughing.  
“Bro,” Vaughn asked.   
Rhys looked up and focused on his two best friends. “What? Oh, yes, yes, I am sure I can find it, I mean I downloaded it to my cybernetics before I was kicked out,” Rhys said. He then heled up his ECHO. “Look at this, even Handsome Jack’s soulmate freaks out.”   
Rhys tossed his ECHO at Vaughn, who caught it and flipped it around.   
Handsome Jack had posted a photo of him eating a popsicle and with caption wrote “I have to eat a damn lemon popsicle to show my cry baby soulmate that I’m not dead. Don’t worry, kitten, I’m alive.”  
“I wonder what he had to do to make his soulmate think he was dead,” Vaughn said, handing the ECHO back to Rhys.   
“What flavor can you teste again,” Yvette asked.   
“Lemon,” Rhys said. “Why?”  
Yvette gestures vaguely between ECHO and Rhys. “You don’t think?”  
Vaughn and Rhys both exchange looks than doubles over laughing.   
“Do..you,” Rhys said, tears well in his eyes.   
“I mean, I mean, we figure his mate is a asshole, but not THE asshole,” Vaughn said, wiping his eyes. “Besides, like Rhys would get that lucky.” Vaughn paused. “Even though that would be very ironic. The one person who is the most obsessed with Handsome Jack BE Handsome Jack’s mate.”  
Rhys stopped laughing and glared at Vaughn. “I am not obsessed with him.”  
The friends just stare at each other. “RIIIIIGHT,” Vaughn said. “So let’s go over the plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three is up! (Obviously you know this, you read this)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Rhys is still in denial even if the truth is basically staring him in the face!
> 
> Thank you for commenting and liking. I read everything :D


	4. And so it begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they meet!   
> Lets find out how!!   
> (Sorry no dialog clip today!)

“I can’t believe I am going along with this,” Yvette said, her voice echoed through the car. “This is completely bonkers. No. This is so bad.”   
The guys were loading themselves into the car, to launch to Pandora. Yvette protesting the entire time. Vaughn had already embezzled the money and had it hooked to his wrist. Palms sweating nervously, checking the lock codes and checking them again.   
Vaughn slid over to the passenger’s seat, and Rhys got in. He gripped the steering wheel, getting a feel for the ride. “Vasquez is in for a surprise,” Rhys smirked, he flexed his flesh hand against genuine leather. Rhys adjusted the mirror and caught his reflection, he smirked at himself.  
Yvette sighed through the intercom, her voice echoing through the vehicle. “Just, just don’t wreck the thing, don’t lose the money,” Yvette said.   
“Thanks,” Vaughn said dryly. “We go on a trip to a bandit raided planet where everything can kill you and your worried about the money.”  
“Put your seat belts on,” Yvette said. “Don’t die.”  
The car shook as the metal box was latched around it. They were jerkily loaded into the cannon. G force pushed them back as the shot to Pandora. Rhys gripped the wheel, digging his metal digits into the arm rest. 

BACK WITH OUR HERO…

“Alright, what do I have today,” Jack said. He held a cup of coffee in one hand and his ECHO device in another, listing to his PA round off his appointments for the day. “Henderson is dead, what happened to Henderson?” Jack said in a voice that was clear that he didn’t care.   
“Well it turns out someone named Hugo Vasquez shot him out of an airlock,” Jack’s PA responded, plowing on despite the boredom in her boss’ voice. “Also, there has been an issue down in accounting as well…” the PA’s voice trailed off as one of the board members approached them.   
“We are ready when you are,” the short balding man said. Sweat caused his glasses to slip down his bird beak like nose. The man wrung his hands nervously as Jack looked upon him.   
Jack shrugged and motioned the man to lead the way.  
The PA stood there, nervously fingering the ECHO. 

BACK TO OUR ONLY SMART FRIEND IN THE GROUP … 

How they managed to destroy their transportation, lose loader bot AND the money, find out the vault key was a fake and get captured by con-artist within the hour was beyond Yvette.   
She sat there. Staring at the small blinking dot on her computer screen. She chewed her lip, drawing blood. There was no way in hell that she could send another loader bot down. These idiots were on their own.   
What was worse, Handsome Jack was standing in her door way, with death written all over his face. He came in screaming about “HOW COME I TASTE SAND AND FUcKing SkaG meat.” He entered her office, breathing heavy, he waved his gun in Yvette’s face. “You, you, these cannon shots, moon shots, what what is going on, come on cupcake, chop chop,” Handsome Jack said.   
Nisha, the lawbringer and ex-vault hunter, was at his heels. Arms crossed she stood behind him, watching the struggling Yvette, trying to find words.  
“I’m so fucked,” Yvette mumbled under her breath. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”   
“What was that, kitten,” Jack said. His eyes narrowed dangerously. “Did you find out who sent those supplies down to Pandora.”  
Yvette coughed, she took a breath and said, “No, I did not, Handsome Jack, SIR, but I do know where those supplies are located at, where they were headed, I mean.” Yvette motioned to the computer screen.  
Nisha’s eyes narrowed, knowingly, but held her tongue. She wanted to see how this would play out. 

HOUR EARLIER, WITH OUR HERO … 

The board members voice rang into a background hum. Jack was on autopilot, he watched the short man use a pointer stick, explaining graphs. Jack was always surprised when he learns how BORING people can be, mean, he knew people were boring, but this guy? This guy, was like rice pudding. Jack bet this guy never got laid in his life. (The man had three kids)  
Jack sighed and let his mind wander elsewhere, when a strange taste infiltrated his mouth.   
He was on his feet and out the door before the other board members knew what had happened.   
“Nisha,” Jack yelled. “NISHA!”   
“Sir, Handsome Jack, Sir, uh you have a call,” his PA said, cupping the speaker end of the ECHO. The PA tried to hand Jack the EHCO. Jack was pacing back and forth with a wild look on his face. The PA finally successfully shoved the device in Jack’s hand.   
“Nisha,” Jack yelled. Taking the ECHO. “NISHA. Hello, NISHA. No not you what do you want, Ni-,” Jack turned on his heel. Nisha came strolling down the long hallway to his office, bored look on her face.   
“You called,” she snorted.   
Jack held up a hand, turned his back, “What do you mean?! Where do you IDIOTS put 10 million dollars. How do you lose 10 MILLION DOLALRS?!” Jack paused. “A loader bot. LOADER BOT, Son of a TAINT! When I find out who. Oh, you know who. Name. Office.” Jack hung up the ECHO and tossed the phone to his PA who caught it.   
Nisha raised an eyebrow at him.  
“We need to go to Pandora,” Jack said. “I taste Sand and Skag. That fucking idiot eats to much damn ice cream to survive more than an hour on Pandora. Also, we have a problem in one of our departments.” Jack started to talk away. “Let’s go! Cancel all my appointments.”

BACK WITH OUR CON-ARTISTS … 

“Uh, why do I taste sand,” Fiona asked, looking at her sister.   
Sasha shrugged. “I don’t know, let’s see if Scooter can fix this,” she said as the caravan came to a screeching halt in front of Scooter’s garage. 

PRESENT TIME BACK WITH OUR NERDS …

Vaughn spit out a mouthful of sand “Yuck,” Vaughn said. “You know, I am never going to get over how sandy this plant is.” He ran his tongue over his teeth once more, spit out a few more grains. “I’m going to the bathroom.”  
Vaughn rounded a corner.  
Rhys shot Vaughn a look. He pulled himself up from the ground. His ECHO buzzed. Rhys brought up his palm, a beam of light shot up and flattened out to a screen.  
“Look, I can’t talk,” Yvette said.   
“Oh, it’s Yvette, tell her send us supplies,” Vaughn called over.   
“Yeah, don’t talk to me while your peeing,” Rhys shot back. He turned back to Yvette. “It’s about time.”   
“Yeah, look Rhys, I can’t help you, but I…just get ready, alright,” Yvette cut off the call.   
“Get ready, get ready for what,” Vaughn said.  
Rhys turned around and jumped back, startled. Vaughn had taken off his shirt and underneath the shirt was a collection of muscles that Rhys was not expecting. “Uh, bro,” Rhys said, gesturing vaguely.   
Vaughn shrugged. “I put an exercise bike in my office a few months back,” Vaughn looked up as Helios shook and a beam of light shot out. “Oh, that must be our supplies.” 

BACK WITH OUR HERO…

“So, why are we headed down to Pandora,” Nisha said. “I mean, you could have sent a team or just left these idiots to die down here.” She tilted her head and looked questionably at Jack.  
“You don’t understand, Nisha, I tasted sand and skag, my idiot is down here,” Jack said. “I have to go down here to save them. They obvious need saving, and if I can get the idiots who stole from me as well,” Jack shrugged. “It’s a win win.” He paused, smirked. “Think of the headlines.”  
Nisha rolled her eyes. “Has it occurred to you that maybe one of the people who stole from you could also be your idiot,” she asked.   
Jack shot her a sideways glance and snorted.   
“I mean, don’t just go gun happy and start shooting people,” She said. “You might actually shoot the wrong person.”  
The car made contact with the ground. It rumbled and shook as the metal casing broke off. Jack gripped the steering wheel and shifted. Following the GPS coordinates to the insubordinates. 

BACK TO OUR NERDS … 

The car came to a halt a few feet away from them. The windows were too dark to see into and no one from either party moved.   
“Bro, I don’t have a good feeling about this,” Vaughn said, nervously. 

BACK TO OUR HERO...

Jack parked the car and stared at the men who supposedly stole his money and his equipment. After a moment, Jack sighed, “Well, I guess it’s true, Nisha,” Jack paused. “I’m gay.”   
Nisha about fell out of her seat. “Wut,” she asked. Looking between the two men outside and Jack. One of which was very tall and the other had a shirt wrapped around his head. Though the smaller one had a tone body so, Nisha could see it. “So, the small one, huh?”  
“What? No,” Jack turned to look at her. “Do you not see him,” Jack vaguely gestured with one arm still gripping the wheel. “He’s like 70 percent legs or something. Do you see those legs, Nisha, DO YOU.”   
Nisha shot a glance at the tall one. “That nerd,” She said, pointing at him. “the skinny string bean one, that’s your soulmate.”   
“Yes,” Jack said, grabbing his sunglasses from the dashboard. “And you will take care of him as much as you do me.” Jack forcibly shoved his glasses on his face and threw open the car door. He shot Nisha one last glance before getting out.   
Nisha shook her head and slid out of the car. Not moving from the open door. She laid an arm on the roof and watched the interaction from a distance.   
***  
Rhys started smacking Vaughn, “put your shirt on, put it on,” he said from the corner of his mouth.   
Handsome Jack had come.   
Vaughn hurriedly grabbed the cloth and pulled it on, giving up on buttoning it.   
“He’s here to kill us,” Vaughn said. “We stole from the Hyperion cooperation and he’s here to kill us.”   
Handsome Jack walked slowly towards the two men. He had his gun out but his glasses hid his eyes.   
Rhys was quiet. His heart was in his throat. He knew this was the end. But this was one way to die, by the hand of the man who he worshiped the most. Rhys took a deep breath, nostrils flared. Jack was an arms-length away now.   
Jack paused, he slowly reached down and picked up a handful of sand. Rhys looked quizzically at Jack. Jack stepped up and shoved the sand into Rhys’ mouth. Rhys sputtered and stumbled back.   
“Come, on, cupcake, spit that shit out, it tastes terrible,” Jack yelled, waving his gun at the doubled over Rhys, wiping sand from his tongue. Jack turned to Nisha. “Hey, do we have any water. This sand tastes terrible, I think something died in it. or peed in it.”   
Nisha just shrugged. She just shook her head.   
Jack turned back to the Rhys and Vaughn.   
“You alright there, pumpkin,” Jack said. “What are you looking at, muscles?”  
Vaughn shook his head and stepped back. “Nothing, sir.”  
“Why the hell did you do that,” Rhys said, standing up straight, dragging the back of his hand over his mouth.  
“Language, cupcake,” Jack sighed. He placed his hands on his hips and shook his head. “Just as I thought. Come on, let’s go. I want off this planet.” He turned towards the car.   
Rhys didn’t move, instead he crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Jack, “Thought what, I’m not going anywhere with you.”   
Vaughn’s face went white, he stepped further away from Rhys.   
Nisha’s eyes widened. She did her best to hide her smirk by tipping her hat.   
Jack slowly turned around, his voice went to a low growl, “What was that,” he asked.   
“He didn’t say anything, you know just the heat of the sun and all,” Vaughn said hurriedly.  
Jack pointed his gun at Vaughn.  
“I didn’t ask you, muscles,” Jack said. He pointed his gun at Rhys. “Now, don’t think because you’re my soulmate that I won’t blow your head off. Because I will.”  
“Soulmate, you’re not my,” Rhys came up and smacked his forehead. “Oh my God Vaughn, that explains all the expensive meals,” Rhys turned to Vaughn. “I mean, we figured they were a rich asshole, but we didn’t expect they were THE rich asshole.” Rhys gestured at Jack.   
Vaughn shot looks between Rhys, Nisha, and Jack. “We didn’t exactly use the word, asshole.” He laughed nervously.   
Jack raised an eyebrow at them. Honestly, he was amused. The idea that his mate would stand up to him, was not a scenario he thought of. Usually Jack would have shot the man and been done with it, but something tugged inside him, something of curiosity.   
“Look, I really honestly couldn’t care less,” Nisha said. “But could we get out of here before the sun fries us? I mean we can do this later at a different time. With air-conditioning.”   
The tall one didn’t seem to want to move. So Jack, using all the ounce of anger control he had, stalked up to the man, grabbed him by this red tie thing, and dragged him forward.   
Rhys stumbled, Jack was quite a bit shorter than he was and in the awkward position Jack had him in now, made walking on his long legs difficult.  
Jack threw open the back-seat door and shoved Rhys in, narrowly missing the door frame.   
Rhys was sprayed out on the back seat, face down, Jack had a quick feeling of burning pleasure run through him, he ignored it as Rhys scrambled to a more dignified position.   
“You coming, muscles, or do I have to drag you in here too,” Jack asked but his tone was more like an order.   
Vaughn shook his head was around to Nisha’s side in an instant. He slid in next to Rhys, who exchanged glances.   
Nisha slid in. Jack turn the vehicle back on and drove off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was long.   
> I ended up writing it very late at night and then added more to it once I was at work.   
> I feel like my writing is more dialog based than details and that bugs me.   
> Anyone else feel that way?
> 
> Thanks for liking and commenting! I love hearing from you!


	5. So who IS to blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nisha raised an eyebrow, noting the fact that Jack was oddly calm.   
> Blood was about to spill.

“Oh, ho, ho, pumpkin you are in trouble,” the blue glitch materialized in front of Rhys.  
Rhys tried to fold his long legs, trying not to press too hard on the back of the driver’s seat. He twitched nervously, knocking elbows with Vaughn.   
Vaughn looked like death just served his head on a platter.   
“Bro, get it together,” Rhys shot from the corner of his mouth. Rhys shoved himself up into a sitting position.   
“Oi, kitten, will you stop squirming,” Handsome Jack quipped.   
Rhys froze. Vaughn gulped. “Y-yes, sir,” Rhys said, barely above a whisper.   
“Oh, this is good,” The AI smirked. “Be a good boy, Rhysie, do what we say.” The AI was whispered too close to Rhys’ ear.   
Rhys, on reflex, waved his hand at the glitch. His metal hand passed through the AI and hit the widow with a loud crash.   
Handsome Jack shot him a look through the rearview mirror. Rhys blushed and looked away.   
“Bro, are you alright,” Vaughn leaned over and whispered to Rhys.   
“I think I contracted a virus,” Rhys snorted back.   
Nisha laid her back against the door. She looked between the three men and just slowly shook her head. She took a breath and said, “So what is this about a broken vault key and missing 10 million dollars?”  
Rhys and Vaughn snapped to attention.   
After a minute of awkward silence Rhys spoke up. “So, I take it that Yvette told you.”  
“What, no, Yvette wouldn’t sell us out,” Vaughn shot.   
“She might if a gun was pointed at her,” Handsome Jack said nonchalantly.   
Rhys exchanged glances with Vaughn.   
“She’s still alive,” Nisha said, she paused, glanced at Jack. “So why did you do it? I mean that’s pretty ballsy stealing from the Hyperion corporation.”  
Rhys glanced out the window, they were nearing a port back to Helios. Annoyance danced across his face. The thought of being…a janitor. That’s peasant work, that’s, that’s loader bot work. “He demoted me, so I stole from him,” Rhys said. Maybe if he pissed Handsome Jack off enough that he’ll leave him on Pandora or better, kill him from living with the embarrassment. “We didn’t find out until later that he was being conned.” Rhys rolled his eyes. “But don’t punish Yvette or Vaughn.” Rhys looked up and caught the image of Handsome Jack’s glasses. “It was me who had the idea.”  
“Bro, stop you know that’s not true,” Vaughn whispered.   
The car stopped and Jack turned off the motor. “I don’t care who’s fault it is, I just want to know how you idiots are going to repay me,” Handsome Jack said.   
Jack climbed out of the car with Nisha fallowing. Rhys glanced at Vaughn. Rhys’ door was jerked open.   
“Let’s go, cupcake,” Handsome Jack said. He grabbed by his tie again and pulled him out.   
Nisha opened Vaughn’s door, “Please don’t make me touch you,” she said.   
Vaughn shook his head and wiggled his way out. He lapped the car and came to stand next to Rhys who was still in Jack’s grasp.   
Jack had Rhys by the collar with one hand and the other he was waving a gun in the face of some unlucky pod worker. They tapped on the computer screen. A cool hiss announced the loading of a new pod to Helios.   
“You can cuss all you want, Rhysie,” The AI materialized. “But where it looks now, he’s got his grip on you.” The AI snickered. All Rhys could to was shoot the code a look, in the fear of making any rash movements.   
Rhys was shook out of his daydreams as he was jerked forward. Jack lead the group to the waiting pod. Vaughn shot Nisha a glance, she waved her hand. Vaughn stumbled after his mate. 

BACK WITH THE ONLY SMART FRIEND IN THE GROUP … 

Yvette wrung her hands together. She stared at the blinking dot. Vasquez was leaning against the door frame in her office.   
She didn’t have to tell him what had transpired, despite the fact what was written all over her face, the tabloids had already started tweeting how Handsome Jack had left Helios in a hurry, screaming something about idiots with vault keys and soulmates.   
Yvette just hoped Rhys had time to hide while Handsome Jack went searching for his mate and that he went looking for his soulmate first.   
Yvette could feel her heart in her throat.   
“So, Rhys and Vaughn felt that they could steal from Hyperion,” Vasquez purred.   
Yvette didn’t look up.   
Footsteps echoed down the hall and two Hyperion armored men appeared next to Vasquez.   
Yvette looked up.   
“We are here to escort you two to Handsome Jack’s office, if you will, please come with me,” one of them piped up.   
Yvette shot Hugo a look, nodded and slowly crossed the room. She tried her hardest not to look like a terrified bird.   
Jack shoved Rhys into a chair across from his desk, Vaughn took one next to Rhys, leaving an empty chair in between them.   
Nisha went to lean against one of the many glass windows. Jack sat in his chair, turned and looked out at Elpis.  
The door opened and Rhys could hear Yvette’s sharp heels hitting the tile floor without looking behind him. She slid elegantly, elegantly as you can, when you are facing your murderous boss, into the chair between them. She looked through her eyelashes and both men.   
Rhys was staring at his knees and Vaughn was staring off into space.   
“You’re Hyperion property, Rhys and Hyperion doesn’t lose track of its property,” Hugo Vasquez said, coming up behind Rhys and lying a hand on his chair.   
Jack swiveled around in time to not miss the way that Rhys flinched back from Vasquez. Jack narrowed his eyes, and placed his elbows on his desk, folding his hands.   
Nisha raised an eyebrow, noting the fact that Jack was oddly calm.   
Blood was about to spill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SO SORRY THAT I WAS NOT AROUND. I DID NOT FORGET ABOUT YOU GUYS BUT MY MUSE LEFT AND I HAD TO WORK AND IT WAS JuSt VeRy UpSeTtInG. 
> 
> OKAY? I'm back. I'm sorry it's short, but I'm playing catch up! It will be done!


	6. Fever Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhys blinked awake and saw Handsome Jack’s face inches from his. “Good morning, sleepy head,” Jack smirked.   
> Jack had climbed up onto Rhys’ bed, hovering over Rhys, but still pinning him to the bed. All Rhys could think was Handsome Jack was in his bed. “Wut,” Rhys said.   
> Jack leaned down and kissed him.

Rhys leans away from Vasquez, bumping into Yvette, who shoots an annoyed look at Rhys’ boss. Vaughn glanced over as Vasquez lays a hand on Rhys’ shoulder. Vaughn’s eyes widen and looks at Jack.   
Rhys tries to jerk out of Vasquez’s grip but Hugo just curls his fingers around Rhys’ shoulder.   
“Jack, if you just release this one into my custody I’ll take care of it,” Vasquez said.   
“Of what,” Rhys snapped. “G’off me.” Rhys tried to pry Vasquez’s fingers lose.   
Hugo wrapped his other hand around Rhys’ collar and pulled his face inches from him. “I’ll teach you to screw me over,” Vasquez bit out.   
Nisha looked amused.   
But it was Yvette who spoke up first. “Hey, stop,” Yvette said. “You can’t just around man handling people.”   
Hugo looked over at Yvette. “Excuse me?”  
“Oh, you are excused,” Yvette said. She crossed her arms. “You’re the one who punched Rhys too, aren’t you, who do you think you are?”  
“The guy you stole from,” Vasquez snapped back. He let go of Rhys. Vasquez narrowed his gaze on Yvette.  
“Oh really,” Rhys said. “Because the name I see everywhere is Handsome Jack. I can read, can you read, Hugo?”  
Vasquez punched Rhys.   
Rhys fell out of his chair and grasped his face. Blood stained his fingers.   
Nisha was away from the wall in seconds. She lapped the desk, not to help Rhys, no but to see if the kid was at least breathing.   
She looked at Vasquez who was towering over Vasquez.   
“Whoa, kiddo, you have no idea the dream I had,” The Glitch said. “Wait, where are we, who is this? Damn, no I know him.”   
Rhys pulled himself into a sitting position and put an arm on his upright knee, he sideways glanced at the glitch who was now floating next to Vasquez.   
“I know him, I know it, it’s at the tip of my tongue, I know him,” The Glitch said.   
“Says the guy who used to work in the mail room,” Vaughn yelled back to Vasquez.   
Apparently, Vaughn and Vasquez were arguing while all Rhys heard was The Glitch.   
“Mailroom, mailroom,” the AI mumbled. “WalletHead! Oh, my it’s Wallethead, go on, tell him. Kid I’m handing you quality gold here.”   
“Hey, Assquez, I appreciate the advice. I do. But I’d much rather you take your two cents, and shove them into your wallet that you have on the back of your head that you are ashamed of because you are a Wallethead,” Rhys said, smirking smugly.   
The AI started laughing and pointing, causing Rhys’ metal arm to rise and fall.   
“Rhys, are you alright,” Vaughn asked nervously. The room got quiet and Rhys saw that Nisha and Yvette had gathered around him.   
All Rhys could hear was the Handsome AI’s laughter. “Oh, this is a development,” The Glitch said, and started flexing the metal arm.   
“Get..out..of.my body,” Rhys said. He smacked himself in the head. The glitched dissolved.   
Vaughn just stood there staring at Rhys along with everyone else. “I-I may have contracted a virus,” Rhys laughed nervously.   
“Alright, kiddos,” Jack said, finally speaking up. Everyone turned to look at Jack. “I am all but amused. What I have assessed it that you,” Jack pointed at Vasquez, “did something to him,” nodding at Rhys, on the floor,” so they decided to get back at you. By losing my money.” Everyone was quiet, “And to top it off, Wallethead over here was trying to get a vault key under my nose, only to find out it was fake.” Rhys raised his eyebrows and glanced over at his friends. Yvette shrugged slightly. “Am I wrong.”   
Vaughn shot glances. “No, sir,” he mumbled out.   
“But sir,” Vasquez started.   
Jack held up a hand to cut him off. “So, what I need to figure out is how you are going to pay back 10 million dollars that you were going to lose anyway.”   
Rhys, Vaughn and Yvette all looked between each other.   
“You idiots can go,” Jack said.   
Vaughn and Rhys scrambled to their feet. They gathered next to Yvette, turned and headed out the door.  
“Wait, legs,” Jack said.   
Rhys looked at his friends, trying to figure out who Jack was talking too. Yvette rolled her eyes and spun Rhys around to look at their boss.   
“Y-yes sir,” Rhys said. Yvette’s grip was tight and he was being man handled a lot today.   
“What’s your name,” Handsome Jack asked.   
“Rhys, sir,” he stuttered out.   
Jack licked his lips and smiled, raising an eyebrow, he nodded and said, “good to know.”   
Rhys’ face was hot, he felt tugging on his arm as Yvette led them out of Handsome Jack’s spiderweb. Rhys didn’t break eye contact with Jack until the doors closed.   
All of them missed the terrified look on Vasquez’s face.   
***  
“Oh, you guys so owe me right now,” Yvette screeched.   
All of them had showered, changed and made a meeting back at Rhys and Vaughn’s apartment.   
“I’m pretty sure Rhys was going to pee himself from excitement, honestly,” Vaughn joked. He sat cross legged on the couch, in grey sweat pants, shirtless. Yvette sat next to him on the atrocious yellow couch, in a big t-shirt and leggings, messing with her wet hair.   
Rhys was curled up in the red leather chair, brownie in hand. He was curled up in his Hyperion issued sweater and shorts. His long legs folded neatly as he laid his head against the arm rest.   
“It’s not like anything is going to happen,” Rhys said shrugging. “I mean, he’s my boss, he’s OUR boss, so that’s probably not going to happen.”   
“Yeah right, like Handsome Jack is going to let his soulmate date someone other than he,” Yvette said. She snorted. “Don’t act like you’re not a little bit excited. I mean, its like your wildest dreams come true.”   
Blush creeped up Rhys’ chest, to his neck, then his cheeks. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he nervously breathed out. Rhys picked at the brownie crumbs that collected on his chest. He felt something twinge in the bit of his stomach. The idea that Jack, that HANDSOME Jack was his soul mate, made him a little bit giddy…in more ways than one.   
“…he’s spaced out again,” Vaughn snorted.   
“I did not,” Rhys hurriedly spoke up. “I was just thinking about…things.”   
“You were thinking about things alright,” Yvette joked.   
But in the end Rhys might have been right. For the past three weeks, almost a month, Rhys had not seen hide nor hair of his boss, his soulmate.   
He fell back into the routine of work, they replaced Vasquez with a short blond named Nox who was always happy to see Rhys, A fresh face from an arrogant one, and gave Rhys his old job back. But this time, Rhys was the manager of his team. So, a bit of an upgrade.   
But it was like his soulmate had just dropped off the face of the earth, the face of Helios. He didn’t taste anything honestly. It started to worry Rhys.   
“He might just be further way,” Vaughn said. “I mean idk how it works. But I think the further the way you are from them the longer you are foods fade. Do you taste….skag?”  
Rhys looked questionably at Vaughn. “No, do you?”   
They both looked down at the cafeteria food, and poked at it.   
Vaughn shrugged. 

***  
“The good news is,” Fiona said, taking a bite of her skag steak. “The weird taste is fading. The bad thing, this stake is shit.”   
Sasha just shook her head.  
***  
“It’s been a month in a half.” Rhys shifted in his sleep, laying on the side where his usual metal arm was clasped. The appendage lay on the floor, out of sight out of mind. He didn’t go to work today, he woke with a fever and called in.   
Luckily Nox was understanding and gave him the weekend off.   
Now Rhys lay, his hand gripped the bed sheets, his face twisted in pain. His dreams were anything but lucid. The fever through strange images in his mind, at one point he thought he was dating the president of a certain country, and shuddered at the thought.   
“Rhys, Rhys, Rhysie,” a voice hovered over his face. “Rhysie, you’re having a bad dream, wake up.”   
Rhys’ hand went up to swat away the two-familiar face. He didn’t want to see the AI, it reminded him of a relationship that never started. Instead of passing through the glitch his hand was caught by a larger one.  
“Rhysie, wake up,” the familiar voice said again.   
The warm hand interlocked Rhys’ fingers. A rough palm came up to cup the side of Rhys’ face, running his fingers in Rhys’ hair.   
Rhys blinked awake and saw Handsome Jack’s face inches from his. “Good morning, sleepy head,” Jack smirked.   
Jack had climbed up onto Rhys’ bed, hovering over Rhys, but still pinning him to the bed. All Rhys could think was Handsome Jack was in his bed. “Wut,” Rhys said.   
Jack leaned down and kissed him.   
Rhys woke up in the morning, confused. He flexed his hand, rubbed his eyes, and looked around the room. He was completely alone.   
*Okay* Rhys thought.   
He sat up, blinked again, and stretched, feeling oddly sore.   
Rhys padded into the kitchen on bare feet, poured too much creamer into his mug, added some coffee, turned and dropped his favorite yellow cup. On one of the leather chairs Vaughn sat chatting away to an individual sitting across from him.   
"Ah, look at that, Princess is awake," Handsome Jack called from the chair. "I think you broke your mug, pumpkin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time starting and stopping this chapter.   
> Lol I hope you enjoy it! :D
> 
> (I'm not really sure where I'm going with this)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack comes back after a month and a half hiatus. And Rhys doesn't know weather or not to believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me forever to update.   
> But well, lol here it is xD   
> Let me know what ya'll think.

Rhys was on a rampage. As soon as he saw Jack on the couch he just left his mug shattered on the ground. He reached over and pulled on once of Vaughn’s hoodies that was discarded on the kitchen table, grabbed his wallet from the bowl on the kitchen counter and maid a bee line for his flip flops.  
He some how avoided Jack’s advances, and slipped out the door, keys from his hook in hand. Rhys had no idea where he was going, dressed in his plaid sleeping pants and Vaughn’s grey hoodie.  
This was the first time in a long time he wasn’t wearing his binder outside of his apartment.  
Rhys grinded his teeth. He wasn’t thinking straight and he was off today, still recovering from that weird fever he picked up in the scientist department.  
He wanted to be both in a place with people but without them as well. Well at least somewhere where Jack couldn’t touch him.  
Which was physically impossible since Jack owned Hyperion and Helios alike.  
So now Rhys felt trapped and for the first time, in a long time, scared.  
Rhys did the next best thing he could think of, he headed to the library. It may have not been the best plan, since he would have to swipe his card to enter, but that didn’t really matter because it was only a matter of time before Jack found him anyway, but it was the only place he could be around other people but not at the same time.  
Jack ended up finding Rhys in the back of the library, in the encyclopedia section, surrounded by photography books and coffee in hand.  
Rhys didn’t look up when Jack kneeled before him. He didn’t look up when Jack finally realized Rhys was pissed and camped out with him, grabbing a book from Rhys’ pile, this one was on the scenic adventures of Pandora.  
“You know, it took me a minute to find you,” Jack said. “I mean I know you swiped your card at the coffee shop and I know you swiped it to enter here, but there are no cameras in the library. That old bird, Martha, is a real stickler for privacy. Probably because she thinks she can get away with the illegal money exchanges she does here.”  
Rhys didn’t look up. “That’s a plot from the book that Lux is writing, “The real story behind the Librarian, Maybell” stop stalling and tell me why your really here.” Rhys finally looked up and stared at Jack. “Where were you for so long?”  
“I was working,” Jack said. “Sorry, but Bandits don’t kill themselves.” Jack smirked.  
Rhys looked deadpan back at him. “You left for a month and a half.”  
“You counted,” Jack asked.  
“Don’t change the subject,” Rhys snapped. “You, you can’t do that.”  
Jack closed the book and set it aside. “Do what? Work?”  
Rhys sighed. “No, leave for days on end. You can’t just show up, then disappear without a trace.”  
Jack raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his own coffee that he brought with him. He smirked behind the paper cup. “Are you saying you missed me, pumpkin?”  
Rhys snorted. “Hardly.” He then grimaced. “Also, your choice of coffee is disgusting.”  
“Seriously, yours is like drinking pure sugar,” Jack joked back.  
“Well excuse me for not wanting to torture myself with just straight bean water,” Rhys argued.  
“Shh,” Jack said, placing a large hand over Rhys’ mouth. He scooted closer, his face inches from Rhys’ face.  
Rhys panicked, he couldn’t move back any further. His back pressed against the wall.  
Jack removed his hand and thumbed Rhys’ lips. “You’re going to get us kicked out, ” Rhys whispered. His lips were inches form Jack’s.  
“I doubt it, I own the place,” Jack closed the space between them.  
Rhys closed his eyes.  
There was a soft cough and the both turned to look and saw that the librarian, Martha, was standing there in a long gray dress with her arms crossed over her chest. He had a thin eyebrow raised behind large coke bottle glasses.  
Jack smiled.  
“Out,” she said and walked off.  
***  
Jack snorted as they left. “She’s no fun,” he said as he dug for his keys. He reached over and captured his hand with Rhys’ and lead him towards the elevators.  
Rhys allowed Jack to do so, starting at their hands. His face was growing hot.  
“You okay there, pumpkin,” Jack said. He smiled his famous smile again.  
Rhys nodded quickly. “Uh, where are we going,” Rhys asked quietly.  
“My room, as you said, I was gone for a month and a half,” Jack put more emphasis on the words “and a half. “You’re not going to get rid of me that easy just yet.”  
The doors slid open. The elevator was crowed.  
“Out,” Jack said.  
The elevator’s inhabitants scattered like cockroaches.  
Rhys allowed Jack to lead him onto the now empty elevator. Jack pulled Rhys closer. And wrapped an arm around his waist.  
Rhys looked up into Jack’s mismatched eyes. “Uh, hi,” Rhys mumbled.  
“You nervous, Rhysie,” Jack asked.  
“n-no,” Rhys said, but he was grateful when the doors opened.  
Jack pulled back but still held onto Rhys’ hand. He led Rhys to his penthouse. Jack paused at the door. He turned to look at him, “So you’re going to meet someone today.”  
Rhys blinked, for one he was not dressed to be meeting anyone new today. But for a split second, Jack looked nervous, Jack himself. “Oh-okay,” Rhys stammered.  
Jack opened the door and was attacked by a miniature version of him.  
“Daddy,” Angel screeched.  
Jack let go of Rhys to pick up the small girl.  
Rhys stepped back, away from the two, enjoying the site before him. Maybe Jack was actually human after all.  
“Daddy,” Angel asked. “Who’s that.” She pointed at Rhys.  
“Daddy’s friend,” Jack said to his daughter.  
“Oh, like Aunt Nisha,” Angel asked.  
Jack blushed.  
It was Rhys’ turn to look smug.  
“No, not like Aunt Nisha, this is Daddy’s special friend, his name’s Rhys and he’s going to be around a while,” Jack said.  
Rhys felt his face heat up.  
“Is that true,” Angel said, peering at Rhys.  
“Y-yep whatever your father said,” Rhys hurriedly agreed.  
“Okay,” Angel explained happily. She wormed her way out of Jack’s arms and grabbed Rhys’ pants, “Come, on, were going to play dolls.”  
“Angel, hey, don’t be bossy,” Jack said, following both of them to the corner of the room.  
***  
Angel had Rhys entertaining her for hours, teaching him how to play extreme Barbies and not question why there was tutus on the toy monster trucks she owned.  
“Because tutus belong on monster trucks,” Angel said in a voice that clearly stated that Rhys should already know this and this question was redundant.  
Rhys finally saw his escape and excused himself to help Jack with dinner in the kitchen. Jack and Rhys were having steak while Angel would eat some dinosaur chicken nuggets.  
“I feel extremely unproductive today,” Rhys said, coming to stand next to Jack. “I have wore nothing but my pajamas all day, and Vaughn’s sweater.”  
“You entertained my daughter, consider yourself productive,” Jack smirked. “Even Nisha could not sit for that long.”  
Rhys’s phone buzzed. Vaughn sent him a text. “Dude, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, also I would like to have a conversation with you later, if we can, also I am most definitely tasting skag. Which is actually why we need to have a conversation.”  
Rhys shook his head.  
“You might as well tell him that you’re staying with me tonight,” Jack said, not looking up from the stove.  
Rhys tied to hide his blushing face as he typed. “Later, bro, and I ah guess I am staying with Jack tonight.”  
Angel came back over again. “Rhyssssss,” Angel hissed. “Let’s watch a dinosaur movie.”  
“After dinner,” Jack said, he set chicken nuggets down on the counter and set Angel down on a stool.  
Rhys then just took a moment to take in what had happened.  
Within the course of three months he got promoted, got a new boss, stole some money from the most powerful man in the galaxy, found out he was the soul mate of the most powerful man in the galaxy, and now is having the most domestic, mundane day with his soulmate and his kid.  
Rhys had not felt this happy since…  
This has to be all a joke, someone is going to walk in and revel that Rhys was fooled.  
He made it pretty apparent that Rhys didn’t deserve love. That he didn’t deserve to be happy.  
So why should he be happy now?  
Something will go wrong.  
Something is wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> I found this prompt on Tumblr about an AU where your soul mate can taste what you eat. So I figured why not Jack and Rhys. 
> 
> Since we all know Rhys eats shitty. 
> 
> This was the prologue, if you all like it I will continue, I plan on at least making one more chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I read all comments :D


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